NEW AGE PARENTING WITH NEW AGE TECHNIQUES

So let’s get started. For all those who are wondering if I am a parenting guru or something, let me tell you… I am not! For the simple reason that I firmly believe that Parenting is something that cannot be taught it can only be learnt. And there are two sets of people whom we can learn parenting from… 

they are firstly our own parents, secondly our own children. 

From our children we learn what to do and from our parents we learn what not to do. 

That’s the unlearning we need to do First. We have sort of placed our human parents on a pedestal and almost consider them as God. We have forgotten that our parents are human too and they can err too like any other humans. And by doing so what we have done is we have put that burden of being Gods on ourselves too. So the moment we have a child we start behaving like God and expect ourselves to be flawless. In return we demand from our children, by pressure or by guilt, to treat us like one. And when they don’t we say, ‘Hey look here, we treated our parents like God.’

And you while saying that very well know you have heard these words before, YOU KNOW, from your own parents.

From our children we learn a lot. Take for instance when you just had your first child and you weren’t even aware of how to tie a diaper around your baby. You try and the baby kicks, you try and the baby fidgets you keep trying and you finally do it. See from your child you learnt, no not just to tie a diaper, you just learnt being patient as well and that’s one virtue parents definitely need to cultivate if not gifted.

So parents like I said before I am not here in a capacity of a parenting guru. But fortunately for me, I have been in a profession where I have dealt with hundreds of children with unique individualities and their equally unique parents. So in that respect my experiences and knowledge far exceeds than just that of raising just two of my own kids whom I have been joyfully parenting with my better half. The journey of parenting is in a way incomplete without both parents completely involved in the process, of course with the exception in some cases where only one parent would have to play both the parts.

New age parenting with new age techniques is a program for training parents who find themselves totally ill equipped in handling certain issues related to parenting or in simple words raising kids. 

New age for the simple reason because we are raising kids who are born in a time different than ours. But mind you they were just born in this age, we were the lucky one who saw it changing. So in a way we are in a better position to understand the modern age.



So firstly let’s begin with gracefully accepting the change which has made our life easier. Let’s not blame the internet, the social networking sights and let’s not for anything and everything make media the demon. The very fact that this BLOG is being read by people all over the globe is thanks to the technology we curse. 

Its’ not any fault of theirs, our children that they are born in an era of information and technology boom. It’s not their fault that they have excess to any information at their fingertips. So let’s just begin with accepting the fact that new age parenting shall require new age techniques.

Let’s take an example that your teenage child wants to go for a movie with his/her friends and you refuse. Your child first makes a request, you reject it than pleads and you still do not budge, your child now tries tantrums and you say, 'Now I shall definitely not allow you to go for the movie.' To that your teenage child says, ‘Ok! than I shall go without letting you know.’ 

Now the issue becomes of proving supremacy and not disciplining. And more than often it happens that it always turns to establishing whose word is going to be accepted as the final word.

New age technique: 

Which movie is it? Who are the friends going out with you? What time the show is? Will you manage the cost of the outing with your pocket money or you want me to give you some?

To all the questions you ask and the answers you get you make one thing clear to the child that at least you are showing interest in something that he/she has approached you. The child would willingly answer these questions and to that you can do the following.

Oh! That one is a wonderful movie I have heard. I am planning to take mumma with me for the Friday night show, will you accompany us?

Oh so all your best buddies are coming good have fun but just make sure that guy with that weird haircut doesn’t join you, I somehow don’t feel he is good company.

So its and evening show. Make sure you are home by 10 p.m., if it’s going to be late tell me I shall pick up all your friends.

Parents plainly refusing the child for something without even inquiring into it gives a message to the child that we do not care enough for them. That’s the reason most children are called rebellious at teenage age. It’s the way we have over the years conditioned them to react to us.

Parents who are parenting kids who are still going to turn into being teenagers, start changing the way you react to the situations you reacted earlier. Those who are already having teenage kids don’t lose heart, relationships can be built and rebuilt with your kids at any age, willingness to learn being paramount.

So no power play, simple technique of enquiry, display of concern and a willingness to understand their point of view and putting forward ours in a way which makes our kids believe we genuinely care and love them.

New age parenting with new age techniques is going to dwell into similar such concerns. Our aim is to equip New age parents with techniques which shall help them tackle new age kids with love and care.

Parents have to put up a united front even if they disagree on certain things. It is almost impossible that both parents will agree upon the same issues or have same level of tolerance or acceptance range, for a particular behaviour of their chidren. But when it comes to putting a point forward in front of the child they need to have an amicably common approach. If you display divided fronts on a certain issue the child is sure to be confused. A strict father and a lenient mother or vice versa would find it very difficult to convey what they exactly want from their child.

For example you are at a wedding reception and your seven year old child is eating an ice-cream which is dripping all over his lovely expensive clothes. Mother gets wild and wants the child to eat the ice cream properly. Father is fine with it and tells the child to go ahead and enjoy it the way he wants to. Outcome, the child licks the ice cream looks at mother for approval mother turns the face away. The child licks again and looks at father for approval, father signals an 'ok' and the child happily enjoys the ice-cream, but with every dripping his eyes turn back to his mother. The child is confused between enjoying the ice- cream, and deciding who is right mom or dad.

Most of the times as parents we want our kids to behave in a particular manner in public for the simple reason that we are ourselves embarrassed.  For a seven year old the delight of having an ice cream is far more than caring for a dirty shirt.  But at the same time the approval and the love and caring of both his parents matter a lot.

New age technique:

Mother: 'So my baby loves the ice cream, ok let me teach you to hold it properly. Let’s also tie a napkin around your neck so you don’t spoil your favourite shirt. Lovely there you go now show dad how you eat an ice cream. See dad how our prince eats the ice cream and if some drops than there we are we have this napkin which is going to eat up all those extra drops.'

Father: 'That’s nice let me try it out too. Here goes the napkin around my neck and this is how I eat it.'

Child: Enjoys the ice cream understands that dropping food while eating is not a crime but it’s natural and can be prevented or dealt with.

So parents as individuals we may disagree on certain aspects of child rearing and it is pretty much natural. But do not confuse the child by having a divided front.

Parenting is a continuous learning process and shall differ with parents, children, situations and age of the child. These techniques shall help you deal with the unique situations you face in a unique manner. 

So if you have already scolded your child and taken the fun away from him/her of eating an ice cream don’t feel so bad about it. Use these techniques whenever a similar situation arises henceforth.

Come out of the trap of being a good father or good mother be cohesive parents.

© nozzer pardiwala

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